• Tweet

FAIRY TALE: Bernard and Wendy Parker on their wedding day. The author says we show our love by declaring marriage vows to each other. However, she emphasises equally, the need for self-love.

High on the list of this frog- hunting escapade is the tale of Cinderella and her shoe.

The fact that there is only one shoe in the story has dire consequences for frog hunters.

Not only do they need to move at heart-breaking speed to find the shoe first, they must also force their feet into what might well be an ill-fitting size.

By so doing, they settle for a life of chronic discomfort and pain. To survive the trauma of one blister after the other, humanity has accepted the idea that love hurts.

But have you ever wondered what would happen to the economy if humanity was to satiate its perennial hunger for love?

What do you think would happen to the music industry?

The love songs that top the charts are always those that heighten the hunger.

Without this hunger, the women's magazine industry would crumble and many people would end up jobless.

What about health care and funeral costs?

How many times do we end up in hospital emergency rooms or mortuaries just because our source of love failed to deliver according to our demands and specifications?

To delve deeper into our understanding of what love means to us, let me ask the following questions:

What if I told you there's enough love for all of us and that there's no need to fight for it?

That you have no control over your partner's thoughts and actions and that no matter what you do or say it will not necessarily stop them from making the choices they want to make?

What would your life be like if you could let go of the fear of being cheated on or dumped by your lover?

If you were a fly on the wall listening to a group of men talking about their wives and girlfriends, you would be shocked to hear what comes out of their mouths.

The question is: if men have such vile thoughts about the women they sleep with, what does this say about their power to create their own reality?

If you gathered women together to talk about their male partners, the outcome would be equally shocking.

If women think men are dogs yet spend their lives chasing after them, what does it mean?

If women and men have such strong negative thoughts and feelings about one another, is there hope for them to be happy together on earth?

Valentine's Day is around the corner.

Many hope for a bouquet of red roses, dinner at some fancy restaurant and a ring in a glass of bubbly, just like they do in Generations.

But soapie and movie actors are paid to serenade each other.

In real life things are different. Instead of being paid for acting, real lifers end up with a negative bank balance, which later becomes a recipe for a broken heart.

The high prevalence of broken hearts these days might be a pointer to the fact that the old romantic relationship archetype does not hold water anymore.

It is up to us to receive this as an invitation to dig deeper into ourselves and uncover a new kind of intimacy that satisfies our insatiable hunger for love from external sources.

The world is changing. There is a dire need for new love stories and fairy tales that teach us that love and happiness is self-generated.

In other words, love and happiness is an inside job.

In its true essence, love has little to do with how we feel about others. Instead, it has everything to do with our direct connection with the divine within.

As the apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13: "We can have the gift of prophecy and fathom all mysteries, we can have faith that moves mountains, but if we do not have love, we are nothing."

Diana Reeves puts it in a nutshell in her song Testify:

"When I look back on my life, I shudder

When I think of the danger I put myself into

But amazing grace always carried me to safety

Knowing that I'd go back to the same place

again and again.

No one could ever love me the way that You do

In spirit, mind and body

I surrender myself daily to You.

I just want to testify...

Amazing grace saved my life."

Reeves talks about learning to love ourselves and to forgive ourselves, with "amazing grace" as our constant companion.

Forgiving ourselves for the choices we made in past relationships is the first step in healing our broken hearts.

Without this our hearts will remain shut. A closed heart is incapable of receiving higher love.

From a place of higher love, we will then enter into relationships knowing that each partner is responsible for maintaining their own internal love frequency, which they then happily share with the other. Until then, we will continue to suffer at our own free will.

Motsei is the author of Meet Me at the River.