If Ramphele gets to rule...that's if destiny allows
Ok, so it turns out Mamphela Ramphele wants to explore the political field after all.
So, to quote from President Jacob Zuma's speech book, in case Jesus returns and ANC rule reaches its expiry date, paving the way for her to rule, here are a few suggestions regarding her cabinet.
President: Ramphele - her amazingly high IQ will leave the country speechless with every word she utters.
Deputy Pres: Thuli Madonsela - After she's drafted the do's and don'ts of running the country, then maladministration, tender fraud and the mismanagement of funds will soon belong in the history books (which will be delivered on time).
Arts and culture: Vuyo Mbuli - The talking head's charm will be the perfect addition to the cabinet of a woman who has no room for slow thinkers and idiocy.
Basic Ed: Sibongile Khumalo - She'll use her velvety voice to soothe the president's nerves after torturous press conferences and make it her life mission to ensure that no child is ever without a book.
She'll even open a textbook factory in the heart of Limpopo!
Communications: Jamie Bartlett - His command of English and that Brit accent make him the candidate.
Ok, so the vernac speakers won't know what's going on but once he starts dramatising it, it'll all be clear.
Correctional Services: Irvin Khoza - The "Iron Duke" will guarantee that daring prison escapes reach zero level. In fact, no one will want to escape.
He'll sort out overcrowding by building more chookies with aircons, plumbing and heating systems - and a soccer field. Yhu! His team will win countless trophies and everyone will want to join.
Finance: Patrice Motsepe - State coffers will never dry up. If they do, the country will just dip into his savings account.
Higher Education and Training: Sipho "Hotstix" Mabuse - He completed matric at 60 and he's a world-renowned muso - an absolute inspiration!
Need we say more?
Tourism: Hugh Masekela - There's no better candidate than this well-travelled man who speaks more than a dozen languages. So he'll guide people to countries he's actually been to, not just ones he's Googled.
Police: Darlington Michaels - With all "Bra Georgie's" suss on the criminal underworld ... well, you know what they say - it takes one to catch one.
Sport and Recreation: Lorcia Cooper - She's one of the best dancers and choreographers in the land. So she won't just get fat being phat and razzmatazz but actually get us all moving.
To spice things up, she'll make pole-dancing a national sport.
Minister in the Presidency for the National Planning Commission (whew!): Duma ka Ndlovu - The producer, creator and director has all the skills needed to rewrite the constitution. Imagine - he'd set it to music and get the whole country singing and dancing along!
Minister in the Presidency for Performance Monitoring and Evaluation, as well as Administration in the Presidency (omigosh, I'm outta breath!): Loyiso Gola - What's politics without a bit of humour?
Mr Gola, who obviously knows more than he should, will actually lose his smile when he finds out that this is no joke but real work - and other jokers will give him a taste of his own muthi.