KEDIBONE MULAUDZI

Well, it looks like Jacob Zuma is gonna win this one. Let's be realistic: Zuma has six cheer leaders (the last time I counted). Kgalema Motlanthe has one and she's not yet an official cheerleader.

Motlanthe's CV will have "I have eight months experience as president. I can do this" on it.

If Zuma wins he'll be our Donald Trump and tell Tokyo Sexwale: "You are fired!"

If Cyril Ramaphosa is elected as ANC deputy president, every SA citizen will get a free Big Mac and a can of Coke (he owns shares in the two companies).

JOEY RASDIEN

The ANC reminds me of a Latino gang or, better yet, the Fast Guns gang: Everyone, including the gang members, despise the gang leader but no one has the balls to speak up.

They just wish or wait for the leader to die.

I personally don't think Zuma or Kgalema are great presidents 'cos I don't have a photo with them. I have a photo with Mandela - hell, even with Cyril Ramaphosa.

JAY BOOGIE

Wherever he is, Thabo Mbeki is laughing his lungs out, smoking his pipe and screaming: "It was me in 2007, now it's you."

Oh, and in Mangaung Gwede Mantashe should let go of his moustache.

Movember's finished.The newbies from SA Comedy Academy graduates say:

Skholo Mayisa

Jacob has two heads; one for each term. Julius Malema's last tweet: "@jacobzuma ne ke dlala. I was playing."

Nonkuleko Mthethwa

How do you plead your case? Msholozi: "I have five wives, 18 kids and I need another term to finish off the renovations in Nkandla. My bond won't pay itself off, you know."