LAST Thursday evening moi raided my wardrobe for my most dramatic outfit.
Then I spent hours creating a dazzling hairstyle, all in a bid to fit in at the South African Fashion Week launch.
Motions and TREsemmé were showcasing their range.
Yawn, zzzzz, sigh!
Made an effort to brighten the dull mood with my bright outfit, though.
The Rosebank Hotel was so crowded I was worried it would cave in.
This explains why the chicks at the entrance took a good half hour to find my name on the list.
I mean, really, how difficult is it to locate the word Shwashwi?
Surely it stands out like a neon sign?
Nearly messed up my hairdo by pulling it out.
Which could've saved the hair show had I gone on the ramp.
The clothes? Heartbreaking.
I won't go into detail cos it'll just waste valuable ink.
Not to mention trees.
There were a few things worth mentioning, though.
Like ambassador Minnie Dlamini's hairdo.
Probably one of the most decent things on show.
Not too sure about the red dress with a million roses on it, though.
I was worried it was gonna wilt at one point and it was damn heavy!
Actress and singer Thembi Seete looked edible in a black leather number and a wavy weave.
I'll never understand why you weren't one of the models on the ramp.
Another madam who did justice to black was Relebogile Maboja.
Loved the red lips too.
Then there was the over-the-top Somizi in an outdated and mismatched powder blue two-piece sort of thangie.
Shim's beautiful personality made up for it, though.
It's been a while since moi heard him giggle. My sidekick must have a beautiful aura.
As I was booking a room so I could retire from the sheer boredom, moi's sidekick dragged me kicking and screaming to the Jameson after-party at Randlords in Braamfontein.
Yhu, moi's life was almost cut short when I ran onto the busy street after spotting what looked like a white ostrich at the entrance.
Turns out it was the gorgeous Gail Nkoane!
Somewhere in the Karoo a poor bird is roaming around naked, hun.
How do you sleep at night, Gail?
A few minutes later my heart skipped a few beats when Sonia Booth strolled in wearing what looked like a wedding gown.
For a tense moment I thought she'd pull a Sophie Ndaba-Harrington on us.
Turned out to be a false alarm. Thank heavens!
Soul singer Zahara, I'm so impressed by the way you've revamped your look.
Please forward your stylist's details to Shwashwi.
Moi wants to ditch the rural look and show off some assets too.
But why did you pitch up alone and who were those randoms trailing you?
Same question goes to Rami Chuene. Where's your hubby when you're out gallivanting at odd hours?
Please tell us because we like poking our noses in you know where.
Radio talk show host Chriselda Kananda's outfit competed with the green lights in the venue - a pink and blue frock, lime jacket paired with animal skin shoes and ... wait for it ... green feathers sticking out!
She definitely illuminated the room.
Generations actor Thato Molamu and Selimathunzi presenter and model Lunga Shabalala should be locked up for being so yummy.
I know my staring made you uneasy, boys.
And you know that I'm not sorry.
I'm still salivating.