Skanky panky 'n big poles
Last Friday controversial Big Brother star Luclay threw a massive birthday party for himself at Hush in Rosebank.
Shwashwi dragged shim's sidekick to the gig and OH MY GOD! Moi thought moi was at Papa Dee's place in Soweto!
There were all these barely clothed pole dancers doing the most extraordinary things with very high poles.
Eeeuw! So classless! Imagine trying to keep one's eyes averted the whole night.
Not to mention one's ears. There was swag everywhere as DJs pumped up the volume, playing LOUD and rude hip-hop music on really large speakers. I mean huge.
Men and their size issues!
No wonder so few celebs came to party. And those that were there were all men. Were the lady schlebs told not attend?
As for the rest, maybe Luclay invited his guests through Twitter or Facebook because most of those who attended looked like the arb fans who'd voted for him.
Just as well. Shwashwi would have been embarrassed to be seen there by anyone that counted. Yes, moi was the one with shim's thumbs in shim's ears and newly varnished fingertips masking shim's face.
Lagosh, who was previously linked to Sophie Ndaba is now accused of having ... errr ... done Nonhle Thema, was there looking fresh. Saw groupies in weeny miniskirts throwing themselves at him.
Eeeuw! Where does one look?
Spotted Bongani Fassie trying to impress women with his swag. He smuggled two confused ladies into the VIP area and bought them drinks. Later Shwashwi saw him outside with them arguing about who he was gonna take home.
Was moi at some skanky escort agency?
Moi's fears were confirmed when I saw Angolan rapper Jay acting like a pimp, organising girls for guys the whole night.
Mr party Luclay arrived late and tried to pull a Kenny Kunene by taking centre stage. Oh God, next we'll have sushi.
Ba2cada seems to have found love with partying, but if he wants to be the hit he must get a stylist. What was with that amabhokobhoko shirt? No wonder the bouncers gave you hassles at the door.
Even at that sleazy affair.
Spotted Lulo Cafe trying to impress the arbs. Going from table to table like an empty bottle collector. Hey bro, take a chill pill. Everyone knows how famous you are.