I've finally come out of my party drought. So let's hit the ground bitching.

I love my life.

The kick-off happened at senior citizen DJ Ganyani's expense.

In the eye of the January cash stories, he hosted a massive birthday party at Sedibeng pub in Meadowlands, Soweto on Sunday.

This is one of his annual parties that he started to host many moons ago. Talk about taking age in your stride, dude.

His dooh attracted schlebs, hookers, gold-diggers and groupies, and house music was blazing from huge speakers.

It was the only thing that was free. But yours in gossip likes it better that way.

Moi hates acting like moi's previously disadvantaged sidekick.

• Spotted Rapulana Seiphemo trying to be a charmer in front of the cleavages of the bevy of beauties all around him.

And this from someone who once declared to all and sundry that his cleavage eye feasts were a thing of the past.

• Has-been soccer star Pollen Ndlanya strutted his stuff like he was still the in thang.

You looked like you'd stepped out of a 90s calender, dude, but wait for Shwashwi to pronounce on you.

As for trying to evade the lensman, Shwashwi won't take your pictures and airbrush them like others.

Oh, and was that your dad following you around the whole night with a toothless grin?

• Oskido, even in 2012 you still grace gigs wearing flip-flops.

What's wrong with you? Do you really want to be like this for the rest of your life?

Nope man, get real and look decent, babe.

Anyway the music you played was great.

• Lesedi FM's loud motor-mouth presenter Ba2cada is actually not so loud when he's out partying. This guy looked like some rapper from Detroit.

Damn, my man, are you a pantsula rapper! Hahahahahaha!

• Alex of Marcalex, who's busy making a comeback on the music scene, made a comeback to the party scene too.

Where have you been, Mister?

Shwashwi would like to thank the person who dragged you outta your hiding place.

You look good, by the way.

All things considered.

• Kenny Kunene, why did you decide to stand in the rain?

Didn't the organisers give you a VIP area?

That rain wasn't a blessing. It was a thunderstorm.

As for vanishing before I could take a photo...

Don't worry, you're no longer important in my book.

• Mandla Spikiri and Ronnie Nyakale aka Ding Dong... judging by your dress code boys, you're still hardcore kasi guys.

Spikiri's khaki Dickies and All Stars deserve a museum of their own.

• Lagosh, since that porn movie surfaced with your face on it, as well as Nonhle's and Bongs', what are you planning to do?

Don't you think it would be a good idea to film the real show now?

• Kenneth Nkosi, you're still über hyperactive.

Shwashwi heard you screaming as if you were trapped in a mine.

• Nice party, skwaya, but next time provide portable toilets for your guests, cos eeuuw... what I saw later on in the evening nearly blinded moi.

Young girls dropping their panties and watering the dance floor!

Eeeuuw!

At least the men went round the corner.

Really, ladies!