Local schlebs, reality 'n a box - Get in on the getting real rage
Considering the global obsession with reality shows, we don't see why our local schlebs shouldn't get on the bandwagon.
I mean even the shrivelling Hugh Hefner had his at age 300 and no one had a problem with his hanging robe and question mark back. So, with the god of youth smiling so broadly upon them, here's who should have a show and what it should entail:
Julius Malema 'n Floyd Shivambu: The Defiance - think we give a DAMN?
It'll focus on the two bitter buddies shooting their mouths off at whoever and whatever - from white petrol attendants to traffic cops, to call centre agents, waiters, security guards... anyone whose LSM is below four.
If you're not a person of colour, beware. If you are and happen to need an attitude adjustment, it's Juju to the rescue.
Watch the lawsuits pile up.
Thursdays, 10pm, SABC1 (16 LPV)
Mshoza: Black or White -Remaining true to myself
The show would feature a newly revamped and deeply spiritual Mshoza with crocodile tears in every scene.
She'll be followed by a coterie of pastors as she visits churches and schools. The pastors will perform the most shocking exorcisms live in front of sceptics.
Just to spice things up, Michael Jackson's hit Black or White should be the theme song.
Tuesdays, 9pm, SABC1 (PG)
Mandla Mandela: I do, I don't, I will
The show will focus on his struggle to marry without the sheriff standing at the exit with a court order in hand.
There'll be footage of his past and current brides.
It won't be short of snide comments from his ex-wife, Tando Nodayimane-Mandela, who'll use every opportunity to milk the justice system for all it's worth.
Mondays, 6pm, e.tv (16L)
Rosette Mogomotsi and Andile Ncube: Letting Go - the mommy and daddy diaries
Viewers will see the bundle of joy that had mommy and daddy grace the front page of many a tabloid.
It'll feature an intimate look at mother and child as well as the proud and relieved dad who'll regularly give fatherly advice, while Rosette takes us on a journey about getting her body back into shape.
We'll also witness spats between them and their dealings with the media. Once in a while, medics and counsellors will offer thought-provoking opinions.
Thursdays, 7.30pm, SABC3 (PG)
Patrice and Precious Motsepe: Mysterious
Billionaires - Why brag?
Though Mr Motsepe owns Mamelodi Sundowns and half the country's banks (not really), no one really knows him or his family. So, for the first time ever, we'll get the answers to the "who, what, when, where, why and how questions surrounding the Motsepes.
A detailed look at their mansions, cars, social lives and businesses will be laid out for hungry and envious viewers.
We'll sometimes get to see the kids too.
Not forgetting the charity organisations that benefit from her unending generosity and her frequent visits to Pearl Mashabela and what they skinner about.
Fridays, 7.30pm, M-Net (ALL)
King Mswati and his queens: Ebukhosini -
Shameless Extravagance
This would be the most censored show and the viewer would have to rely on poorly translated subtitles to make sense of the programme.
The king and his right-hand men will explain their overweight bank balances to the gatvol public before the queens embark on multi-million rand shopping sprees in 20-car convoys, armed bodyguards in tow.
The crew will be banned from the royal palaces. In the highly unlikely event that they're granted an interview with the royals, faces will be scrambled and voices disguised.
The king will be hands-on in post production and no footage will be flighted without a written agreement from the queen mom.
Punishment for any infringement will be six months in jail.
11pm, Saturdays, SABC1 (16 VLP)
Debora Patta and Thuli Madonsela: In your face - uncut and unscripted
Miss Patta will work hand-in-hand with some no-nonsense, bribe refusing cops.
She'll storm past armed guards and Rottweilers with a pen and notebook in hand and bang down a corrupt official's door before Mandonsela struts in reciting a memorised document detailing his sins.
Rights will be read and handcuffs placed.
The rest of the footage will feature the official's lawyer in a pinstripe suit with his hand on the camera lens giving the warden a list of demands in Latin.
Mondays and Tuesdays, eNews channel, 8pm (16VL)
Theunis and Primrose Crous: Loaded and in love - he's mine
Judging from their soppy tweets about their immeasurable devotion to one another, the show carrying an age restriction of 30 would follow their bedroom antics, with limits of course.
It would expose a couple of demoralised chicks out to get their claws on the Crous fortune, with Mr Crous proudly rejecting their offers, much to the madam's amusement.
The cameras would also follow them to the most exotic holiday destinations, while monitoring the progress of Theunis's airline.
Nothing short of classy drama.
Saturdays, 9pm, M-Net 18 (LS)
The Zumas: Annual additions - The Four Firsts
If not a new wife, it's a newborn or a wedding. Though access to certain areas of the homestead would be restricted, the ARs would be impressively high.
It would centre on the four wives and their everyday lives, their mansions, shopping sprees, VIP events, etc.
Oh, and once in a while we'll get a glimpse of the 20+ kids, either in the classroom or at the mall.
But no, no, no... you'll never see him in the shower.
Sies!
Sundays, 8pm, SABC2 (PG)
Amazed
I sure wanna see the Motsepe's....looking forward
kudi
Is it true that Motsepe and his wife are no longer together? they only go out together for functions - but they are not staying together - so why are they not divorcing?
swona
@kudithink he likes both young fresh men and his wife, she's got to find a way of accepting it, and i think she's now ok! he's unconvincingly straight!
