Shwashwi's first object of affliction was the accreditation centre, which was at Free State University. The last time I saw such long queues was on April 27 1994.

Comrade minister "Don't Serve Drinks at Government Functions" was in charge of accrediting guests.

God, why did she ever think of taking on such responsibility? She was drama in motion and asked people to show her their SMS invites, like they were the new dompas.

Can you imagine? Such lowness! To be treated like a mere commoner!

She must have taken lessons at the Langlaagte licensing depot.

Moving on, Cubana, where everyone ran off to, was organised chaos and the young lions were off their cages.

Is it true that Minister Fikile "Razzmatazz" Mbalula and Minister "Don't Drink" had a heated argument about making a mess of the accreditation?

Saturday started with Shwashwi combing Mimosa Mall for more gossip.

Mahungra Car Wash was a den of all things fat and drunk. Let's not forget the gold diggers and the prossies posing as lambs.

What was supposed to be a battle of DJs, organised by Mr Razzmatazz himself and current suspended Prez Juju, turned out to be a personal highlight.

Fiks has become the spice of the ANC, hands down.

My excitement was dampened by the dinner though. Talk about boring. The only interesting thang about it was former Zambian President Kenneth Kaunda.

KK, as he's affectionately known, rocked the boat. Other's were as good as stale.

Since when does "old" mean "sedated"?

Mahungra was the place to be, even at 3am. Save for MamAction's absence, the party was in full swing and continued in that style till sunrise.

But wait, why was Shwashwi made to eat with the commoners on Sunday? I'm all for equal rights but some of us have more equal tastes than others!

Baleka Mbete messed things up as MC. She did what I'd call singing a lullaby like an ogress.

When others tried to escape the trance by helping themselves to some grub, they were rudely chased away by the head of security.

What an embarrassing spectacle! Talk about militancy.

You'd never guess who came in holding not one but two nameless "princesses"!

Political analyst Prof Somadoda Fikeni.

But where the hell was my previously disadvantaged sidekick when I needed photos?

There was the owner of M&M, David something - the man who provides marquees for all government gatherings - parading in his underwear in the lobby and telling everyone he had spent more that R100000 for a room and the receptionist shouldn't tell him he doesn't have a room.

Money and booze. Bad combination.

When we descended on Cubana (again - Bloemfontein is a small town) we found comrades still thanking the ancestors for forming the ANC.

Thanks to Stoan, who led us in mzabalazo songs.

We sang our hearts and lungs out.

Till next century, peeps!