I deserve one too, ‘cos I taught MaMkhize all those dance moves that earned her a spot in parliament.

Gal, you’ve been rocking the same relaxed hairstyle since the rape case.

Do you call MaKhumalo “gogo” and the other two or three “abo sisi”?

Please, I want to know. I have never been privileged to have so many stepmothers.

Did you take a bath when you did that interview for the weekly magazine?

You look awful in those pics. And as for that ciggie...

Shim is very fit.

Unlike Benni.

I must say Durban women are very unlucky in the marriage department; I am too bored to name them all.

They book a table for 10 at Nando’s and teach each other how to use a knife and fork.

OK, maybe it’s Basetsana during their mentoring sessions.

Or maybe you guys want to be subpoenaed for that too?

Does Carol Bouwer remember how to speak Sesotho?

Yazi, I wanna know how.

White people only wear Afro wigs at fancy dress parties, unless they are Jewish. Then it’s probably a way of life.

With this in mind, don’t you think white women are rolling on the floor laughing at us black chicks who walk around with long weaves made of human hair from the Indians and Brazilians?

I kid you not, it’s been almost 10 years since I saw a black woman showing off her own hair with pride.

OK, maybe not 10 years. But 10 days at least.

It seems like a long time since I have seen a nappy-haired black woman in a suit with a cropped style that accentuates those big lips and broad nose.

Now you can never tell what race women are from behind, so thank God for big black booty.

At least that is one trademark that helps me determine whether I must say hello or molo.

Ladies, why not leave the weaves at home this World Cup and look as African as you possibly can?

If the foreigners want to see blacks in weaves they will watch American hip-hop videos.

Imagine going to Russia and finding whites walking around wearing Afro wigs with a straight face!

Leave the Brazilian people’s hair alone.

Fab New Year’s bash, Sbu Mpisane, what with all the white who’s who and expensive cars.

But it’s January now and some schools in the area were vandalised. Why not ask wifey Shaun Mpisane to give us a moment to remember by using some of that cash you’ve been flashing to help with roofs and windows?

Oh, and Mrs Mpisane, please also donate some chairs, computers and school uniforms to schools around Lamontville.

Your late mom, struggle stalwart Florence ‘Mam Flo’ Mkhize, would be glad to see you do something for the school kids who can’t afford in Mzumbe on the South Coast where she was born.

The bling and the expensive cars must go now. Remember what heroes like your mama fought for.

I was delighted to hear that Penny Lebyane will now be presenting Motswako, a women’s lifestyle programme on one of the TV stations that does not repeat shows while expecting folk to pay their TV licences.

I was happy for her as she is a fantastic, fun and intelligent woman who I’ve actually never seen without a weave. See in Did You Know?

As happy as I am for her I am not impressed by the rumours doing the rounds about her predecessor Busi Mahlaba.

Speculation that she was fired because viewers complained her Sesotho was not up to scratch and rumours that she was a pain to work with are just vicious and unladylike.

People, let’s play nice. Mahlaba has lost probably an extra R40000 a month.

Besides, if she was interviewed for the job by Carol Bouwer, why would you be surprised her Sesotho is not up to scratch.

Nor should Mahlaba be nice to everyone.

She isn’t Father Xmas and the festive season is over.