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catman: Been hearing tales about kitty tails, fine furry felines and Siyabonga Ngwekazi
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HAPPY MAN: MXO, is that smile natural or artificially induced?
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This one is for you, reader. Tell us if you agree: Shwashwi doesn’t even want to hear Julius fart this year!
Another one for the readers: Have you ever wondered if Ju Ju Baby can back up his stupidity in the sack? Iko Mash must put him to the test.
Still on airheads, Khanyi Mbau, who is the white madala you were spotted with at East London airport?
OK, I will answer that one: it is Mr Theunis Crouse, your friend’s husband!
What do Khanyi Mbau and Dr Mamphela Ramphele have in common?
Can gospel star Malibongwe please tell Shwashwi how old his wife is? Hurry up, the child protection unit is nagging me!
DJ Anda from Xanadu Lounge, are you still wondering who Shwashwi is? Careful where you talk about Shwashwi, my love, ‘cos the world is truly good to moi, Sterling Park included.
Still on lounge owners, Olwethu Hoyana, the co-owner of Talamanca Music Lounge, do your top-notch patrons know you were fired from Metro FM for alleged dishonesty and for allegedly contravening the SABC’s electronic policy?
Makhaya Ntini, was that your wife I saw you with at a prestigious boys’ school the other day? She is so... what’s the word... ordinary! Can Shwashwi join you guys for a prayer session or stokvel meeting Emahoseni?
Mark Boucher, will you marry moi? Anyway who is your girlfriend? We have heard things.
Herschelle Gibbs when are you joining our AA meetings?
Has anybody seen Monde Zondeki? Shwaswhi misses you, my laaitie?
Siphokazi , granny’s baby, is it true that you get your friends drunk and then take their men? Yho sisi, you have a liver!
Siyabonga Ngwekazi, does your darkie “cherrie” know about how you used to brush cats at your white meisie’s place?
Melanie Bala, do you rock up in your makoti attire when you visit Zwai’s home town?
Can the mayor of Buffalo City, Zukile Sumthang, please go to the gym? Aunty, your tummy is an eyesore. Use the state credit card wisely this time!
Shwashwi recently spotted our brother from the Eastern Cape, Dr Love, without foundation on his face.
Do you guys think I slept that night? The nightmares were never-ending.
Is it true that Khaya Ngqula lives somewhere on the leafy suburbs of East London? Gees, I must find him. I also want a share of those SAA millions.
Thobeka Buswana, is it true that Sammy Sumthang was suing you for using his jingles on trufm without paying him?
Do you guys remember former Miss Teen SA Sally-Anne Kopa?
Is that her in the new MacDonald’s advert? Praise the Lord! She is alive and kicking.
Shwashwi recently spotted DJ Blaq from Umhlobo Wenene at the movies.
Who was that lovey-dovey chap, Blaqie?
Has anybody seen blast from the past Mercy Pakela? Haibo Khumbul’ ekhaya!
That’s it.
I am off to my hiding spot – Ma-Khumalo wants to sjambok all of us who are beautiful, ‘cos of Umsholozi.
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