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Whoo-hee. It’s a new year and Shwashwi is feeling fresh....
* Liopelo as she will take another woman’s man.
* Crazy Lu – he needs help as he seems to have a temper and is as weird as weird can be. One word: detox.
* Mandoza, you need to stop the drinking bhuti. It’s so ’80s and those shades hide nothing.
* Steve Lekoelea, the club-jumping Sunnyside socialite, needs to kiss and make up with his bosses and focus on football.
* Spikiri darling, violence is outdated. Stop it.
* Mark Lottering will leave the J&B sloshed. We just hope he doesn’t drink and drive this time.
* Lebo of Skwatta Kamp, all is forgiven – you can keep that weight as we can see you are making no plans to get rid of it.
* We wash our hands of Thandiswa Mazwai , hoping she too will take a bath and be nicer.
Yeah, right!
* The Kwela Tebza brothers will always dress like freaks – we give up. I guess we’d never recognise them in jeans and a T-shirt.
It’s OK, children, if we were that mediocre and random we too would go out of our way to get attention.
* Julius Malema, we have nothing to add here.
One word: muzzle and mouthwash.
OK, that was two.
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